God must be a Sadist

I know this will offend few people who have been trying very hard to change my views but Am not a woman of Faith.

My deep conviction that religion is irrational and encouraged superstition has only grown stronger with the passing years. There is not a shred of evidence to support the truth that anyone has seen God.Even those who believe in him have little justification about his existence as omnipotent and just.Whatever evidence we have is on the contrary.God fearing parents who have never harmed anyone in the case of Nirbhaya have to fight their battles alone for the justice of their daughter who suffered at the hands of barbaric rapists,the gentlest of people suffer while thieves and the corrupt prosper .

I cannot accept a God who is selective in granting his grace ,or who is blind .And why should i worship a MIGHTY AVENGER who must be constantly appeased is no God at all !.However I do not dismiss the power of prayer altogether- I feel that one does not have to believe in God to concede that Prayer has Power,all that prayer does is comfort the person in times of stress and helps one to to ponder within in silence and often we have  a solution ...I know this might sound selfish to some but i feel living a good life is the only religion ...A life full of giving happiness and also finding it for oneself ....

I shall sum up my words by quoting Russell who said " I believe in using words, not fists, in honesty not  greed, in having a good time, in consuming good food ..and  above all I believe in Sex ."

I think its my duty as an educated adult to separate the sublime from ridiculous banter of the gurus and derive inspiration from living legends who are normal and flawed yet they faulter,learn and walk in pride ...

My husband's grandfather on his wheelchair recently visited the temple in pouring rain so he could wash his sins and meet his Maker after he dies. As an agnostic , I have no such comfort. And neither do I have any regrets ...

I shall end this by my favorite line from Shelley- If God has spoken, why isn't the universe not convinced . 

I AM A KNOT IN AN UNFULFILLED WISH

Interpretations of Love 

First of all, apologies that this post comes so late in the day,to all those I've spoken  to about this ... It’s as overdue as overdue can be and as important as important can be. Getting straight to it.

This is the story of a love affair between a man and a woman in a movie called Rockstar. This story is NOT about my delusional-love-affair with him. So, hang in there, don’t run away just yet.This post is about my love-affair with the music, and more specifically, the lyrics of the songs.First of all I'd like to take a bow to (Irshad Kamil who wrote the lyrics of the movie for those who didn’t know!) In equal measure, I also want to mention what a super-fantabulously-fricking-amazingly-awesome job A.R. Rahman and Mohit Chauhan have done to bring that poetry to life! And I am not exaggerating. The music of Rockstar is the soul of the movie, and the lyrics are so unflinchingly honest that they hit the spot! They do. The lyrics describe true love; the highest form of truth possible. If you don’t believe me, read the rest of the post, with a little faith if possible, and tell me how can one not fall in love with such a beauty.

Snippets of songs that I am in “true-love” with:

Song: Jo Bhi Mai Kehna Chahu

Lyrics: 
Maine yeh bhi socha hai aksar
Tu bhi main bhi sabhi hai sheeshe
Khudhi ko hum sabhi main dekhein
Nahin hoon main hoon main toh phir bhi
Sahi galat, tumhara main
Mujhe paana, paana hai khud ko…

My Interpretation: 
We are what we see around
and we are what is within others found
I’m non-existent yet I exist in you
I’m your right and I am your wrong
I’m all I want.

I Speak:
By attaining my lover, I shall attain myself. By attaining myself, I’ll attain my lover.

Now, if that is not love, what is?

Song: Aur Ho

Lyrics:
Main hasrat mein ek uljhi dor hua
Suljha de…
Main dastaak hoon, tu band kiwadoon sa
Khulja re…

My Interpretation:
I’m a knot in an unfulfilled wish
Untie me
I’m the knock and you’re a closed door
Please open up

I Speak:
This song, primarily, is about his anguish on not being able to release himself from the web he has created for himself. In these lines, he’s in a tumult and asks his lover to liberate him. A knot in a strand of a wish that is unfulfilled and a knock that is not being answered shows how acceptance is not coming to him.

Love is liberation.

Song: Kun Fayakun

Lyrics:
“Main toh jag ko naa bhaaya
Tune gale se lagaya haan phir tu hi hai khudaya”

“Kar de mujhe mujhse hi riha, mujhse hi riha”

My Interpretation:
This song, in its entirety, is such a soother. Kun fayakun, in Arabic, means “God said “Be” and it was!” It’s about how when there was nothing, God created everything in an instant. (This song is not for atheists and rationalists. Please don’t ruin it by telling me how to look in another direction.)

I Speak:
In this song, he is (according to me) talking about God’s love for him. He says that when no one accepted him for who he was, he came to God and God accepted him.

He also asks God to “free him from himself” which basically means that he’s asking himself to surrender.

Surrender is the highest form of love in my dictionary.

Song: Naadan Parindey

Lyrics:
Kaagar kaagar
Mori itni araj tohse
Chun chun khahiyo maas
Arajiya re khahiyo na
Do nain mohe
Khahiyoo na do nain mohe
Piya ke milan ki aas

My Interpretation: 
Here I have to give credit to a certain someone who made me realise how important these lines were. I was told, “When a man dies and if his body is rotting, the crows being scavengers tend to eat the body if unattended. And when they begin scavenging he body, they eat the eyes of the man first. In these lines, he says that, If I die, o crow please, rip my flesh apart as you wish, just do not eat my eyes as I hope to see my beloved when I go beyond this life I just lost.”

I had goosebumps when i heard it. Still do.

I Speak:
Is that not love? No? No?

Song: Tum Ho

Lyrics:
(This song is my Bible of love. However, I shall exercise restraint and just quote a few lines.)
Kis tarah cheenega…
Mujhse yeh jahan tumhe?
Tum hi hu mai kya fikar
Ab hume…

My Interpretation:
I am you.
How is this world going to take us apart?

I Speak:
I have said this a hundred times, and I shall say it again. (To those who have heard it, please bear with me.) We are in a world where acceptance of love plays a major part in helping lovers walk into the sunset. If love is not accepted by society, it does create quite a disturbance. These lines, are like time that you may never be able to contain and bind even if you wish. When the relationship between two people reaches a point where one is another and vice versa, no mighty force in the world can put out that love. It is going to exist, do what you might. And this is why I think, the three words “I am you.” are way much more powerful than the three cliched words, “I love you.”

Isn’t that how love is meant to be?

Track: Meeting Place

Words: Yaha se bohot dur, galat aur sahi ke paar, ek maidaan hai. Mai waha milunga tujhe.

Source: ”Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field I’ll meet you there.” – Rumi

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field I’ll meet you there. 

It’s a love affair I’ll take to my grave and beyond....

THE BITTER FOURTH

The hypocrisy of the bitter fourth as i call it ..In India ,women celebrate Karwachauth for the long life of their husbands ,I suppose keeping them will solve the problems of women who are physically abused by drunk husbands or pathetic in laws and a fast is the quick fix for marital harmony ,I mean do we really wish to be with the same person for 7 lives ..I mean really who knows about rebirth u could be a freaking roach ..I mean where does such bogus theory come from ?Why isn't there a fast for the husbands to keep ,do they wish for us to die early?
 I personally feel that its a powerlessness that modern women want to stay associated with ,it is time to understand the exploitative ,repressive character of fasting and be done with this antiquated tradition .The modern Indian women need not put herself through an agonising ,humiliating and ultimately harmful ritual that she no longer needs in order to fulfill her desires.After  all this is a ritual born of a hunger for some influence over her own life and in a rapidly equalising world there are other means to feed that hunger ...

Most of the men i know (apart from my brother)might have a cool facade put secretly wish for someone to actually fast for them .its an ego booster for them ..I mean really rather than a long life id rather have a good quality life where we are equals making honest efforts to save and spend and lead a healthy life ...To top it all ,men are expected to get gifts for their wives on this day and vice versa for women and their respective MIL's ..Only If i could cut the roots of  such hypocrisy and social pressures..

Most of the times these kinds of traditions are being followed bcoz we grow up seeing our ancestors  doing them without asking their validity or reasons . So basically we do it coz everyone else is doing it ..One feels bad or left out ,when they dont do it ,or they feel that O she is not doing it coz she doesnt care for her husband .So we all participate in the peer pressure and don't want to be questioned for our own integrity ...
I wish it involved renewing vows and reminding ourselves of what we agree in the name of marriage for ...
I feel that all these festivals are more socialistic than spiritual ..there is nothing Romantic not for us ones..for me it would be a BITTER FOURTH ...

 

  

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Beyond The Grey

Whether you like it,crib about it ,you cant escape from the revolution of 50 shades of Grey ,from the midland Mum to most 20 year olds reading the bondage affair ,its got everyone talking and probably redefining what goes on inside the bedroom .. From women in Delhi holding their hens and uber cool aunties holding kitties on the theme of Fifty Shades with everyone sporting faintly fetish wear ,its got all the readers gripped..Having picked one myself ,I can firmly say ,although the book is grammatically weak and repetitive in style the concept is rather bold to be told in such a stylish fashion. Bedroom relationships have been redefined from sexier outfits to feeling confident to talking dirty,many experts say that a baby boom is expected as a result.Men are loving their wives reading Grey and probably the fantasy world is being given a bold description. The sadomasochistic affair between wealthy entrepreneur Christian Grey and literature student Anastasia Steele has sparked the business of lingerie and erotic sensibilities. However,to my opinion the book has done very little to remove the misconception that submissives are doormats to a pre-feminist age, and as someone who self-defines as ‘submissive’ that makes me think that the concept could have been shown better light with either of the duo playing submissive. 50 Shades of Gray did its positive thing -it got a lot of people interested in trying some activities(And, again, a big portion of submissives are men, and dominants are women. Or it can be a gay or lesbian couple. There are all kinds of varieties).Either way its liberating. Beyond that, everybody has to decide for themselves what role kink will play in their lives. I know people who live a BDSM relationship 24/7, others who have a regular vanilla relationship except for when they play and have sex. There are people who don't venture beyond fur-lined cuffs, and people who have a huge suitcase full of toys..There is no one way to do it, it's your own personal journey. I dont agree with it being'bad for women'in any way.But there are so many different kinds of women. How can one say that a book is 'bad' for all women? I happen to feel that there are plenty of women who would accept the book at face-value,it's erotica, meant purely for entertainment. It's not written as a guide to how we as women should feel about ourselves and what we should expect from relationships. I read a book about a suicidal woman who killed herself - is that bad for me? No. Because I can read about it without becoming the characters. While I understand that there are some people who might get the idea that the relationships described in the book are exactly what they want, I don't feel that it' is necessarily 'bad'. Let people make their own decisions, and decide if it's right for them. It seems simple-minded to make such a broad statement about women when no two women are the same. Personally i feel every woman,secretly would love to have a Christian's love and affection (without the BDSM and the controlling). If we could bottle that love and affection, the world would be a happier place.

Women are their own worst Enemies!!

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." - Alice Walker

I happened to recently read an article wherein Sarah Palin was being asked by a lady reporter whether she had breast implants.

The most powerful women in India are shut down, based on their looks and physiology and not on their intellectual capabilities.God help if you dress well..there are women judging you from the heel to the cleavage ..

Imagine if the same conversation happened around men.
Obama, you have rock hard abs. Are those implants? Surely you don't have enough time to exercise while running the country.

How can we be taken seriously when it's all about the body and not about the brain?

As a culture in India, women are brought up to be fundamentally insecure From weight ,to looks ,to wrinkles,to hair fall (its never okay for a woman to be bald )to pregnancy , worry about our weight and about when we can start wearing makeup and getting our ears pierced and about the kinds of clothes we wear.Have we ever focused on the intellectual capital that a woman carries
As a society, we're not standing for the right values and principles. And the media have made it pretty clear what people should admire about women.

Don't get me wrong. I think a woman's sensuality and sexuality is one of our best assets, but it's only one of our best assets.IT's a blessing but just focusing on one of it is a curse.

Here's the thing, though. We're our own worst enemies.

We're catty, we're mean, and we're judgmental. We treat one another poorly, and we rarely support one another whether its work or home ..

If we want things to change, that has to start with us. The next time you are faced with making a snap judgment about another woman, think twice. When you decide not to support a woman-owned business or woman making a marketing pitch or a woman stating her point loud and clear at a family dinner, I hope it's based on lack of merits and not because it's run by a woman. !!

THE GREATEST PAIN/JOY COMES FROM LOVING

DON'T STOP LOVING


This is dedicated to all the confused souls in the world who have at some point of time in life suffered from a broken heart.

My friend today asked me as to how should she move on knowing that she may never find love that had lasted her so many years, sometimes we experience it in more ways that the number of years, in small moments ,but the experience is so rich and fulfilling that the memory stretches for eternity…

Yet even with these caveats, some people seem better able to dust themselves off and heal easier than do others. While there are those who jump start their way to future happiness rather than staying stuck.

Because relationships are no longer essential for our survival (girl’s perspective) (you can pay your own bills, drive around ,buy your own huse/car etc.), many women are choosing not to pursue another relationship. I know so many women who choose to stay single and become absolutely averse to mankind coz of a bitter experience with their husbands/partners or father.

Hence, protecting themselves from future heartbreak. But I dare say that this kind of behaviour is much worse as it elevates the pain to a higher level than it deserves. This is a mindset of avoiding risk/heartbreak . This choice (yes, it is a choice) will protect you from the pain of another failed relationship but it also stops you from experiencing the joy of another relationship.

I am one of those who has cherished the good memories but admits that the comparison does fill in especially when you have matured through the course of a relationship.
For every relationship that has caused pain in my life, I have wonderful memories of exciting adventures, thrilling intimacies, comforting companionship, shared goals, etc.

Would I have missed any of these positive things because of the emotional pain? Do moms not have a second child because of the memory of the pregnancy, the pain of childbirth and being sleep deprived during the many months of infancy? Life without risk may be safer but oh so very limiting. Think of all the good times you are missing right now in your life because you are choosing to not move on.
So my answer to her and a whole lot of others is baggage happens with every individual but why deprive yourself of the love ….
Like they say “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”

Dirty tricks guests play....

Todays complaint handling with a customer reminded me of my fond days at the TAJ $ Radisson...Guests usually corner the most well dressed person in the staff...all modesty was always me;-) ..apparently, it's my duty to listen. Sometimes I get the impression they think I'm somehow to blame.
I don't mind, though. Bad service stories are fascinating. But often, as I hear the teller describe how the entire hotel staff conspired to ruin her stay, I see a different side. I see employees trying to help, and I see guests getting in the way. And I can't help but think that if travelers had a bit more insight into how hotels worked, they'd have more time to enjoy their trips. And I'd have more fun at cocktail parties.
Complaints are good, I always thought to myself but what gets sticky is when a customer tries to play dirty during sales calls and manipulates the boss and me (two parties) so one would succumb to pressure(my boss)and the customer wud get the benefit of a good rate..only if my boss had better sense & not think i was in it to loot him.But if you set expectations the hotel can't meet, such as a lake view without telling em the lake dries up in April ..u're in 4 trouble.., resist the temptation to shift the blame.
Yes, it feels good to unload on friends, colleagues and random strangers, but repetition heightens feelings of victimization, and chances are they're not listening anyway. If the issue is minor, speak to the front desk. If it's significant, ask for the duty manager. If tears and family heirlooms are involved, contact the general manager. If there's blood, call 911.
Now i work for a stand alone,undoubtedly the responsibility is immense,the free time =Nil ,position better.salary= I deserve better...but the owners are great,the politics still looms heavy but the good part is its a non-transferable job ..and i can stay put in apni dilli...
Hotels/Reputed Restaurants will go to great lengths to appease guests, but it's kind of hard if you're throwing furniture or lunging at our throat. Ladies are discouraged from standing sullenly aside while their husband complains, uttering little huffs to convey feelings about their husband (wimp) and the manager (moron). Gentlemen, no need to inform us of your net worth, company balance sheet, (as i never get a portion anyway),shoe size or number of Twitter followers. By virtue of being dissatisfied, you're important enough.
The other day a lady told me concierge saying she left her glares at the concierge counter and the girl flicked it..Poor girl was in tears for no fault and reputation at stake for a careless *****..guests immediately blame the nearest employee. Invariably, the item turns up. When a guest accused one of my staff members of stealing her iPod, I ran a key report and viewed security camera footage, then called her back to ask if she had checked with the stream of visitors to her room late that night. I didn't hear back. Store your valuables in the safe.
An eye for an eye. In today's economy, hotels aren't particularly enthusiastic about doling out freebies if we're not at fault. If we messed up, however, the matter should be resolved to your satisfaction. If you feel you deserve compensation, be candid-otherwise you might get a fruit basket. But be reasonable. If you want a large cash payout, you'd better be missing a limb. If you invent or exaggerate a story to get free stuff, you might get it, but you'll probably end up in hell.
Complain up. If the issue arises after checkout, send an email to the manager, who can copy it to other departments and, theoretically at least, resolve the matter quickly.
Bad things happen, even at the best places. The true test lies in how staff members respond. A little praise goes a long way. At times it may seem otherwise, but we're in this business because we love to please. Enjoy your dinner i say ladies;-)

The Power Of Silence!

Shhhhhhhhhhh ... shhh!!!
The "famous silent treatment" that women have forever ushered on the male specie. The weapon that can penetrate hearts that even generous bottles of free alcohol couldn't. The weapon that my grand mom used effectively and passed on to my mom. The same weapon I use on my boyfriend now and then and my mom i know if she knew would secretly smile, revelling in how the student has caught up with the master. If the bard was here today he would've said "Oh what a million words could not attain, a moment of silence did ..." Ladies and gentleman ... my one fiftieth of a dollar on one of womankind's most lethal strengths ...

No trick of the book is as deceptive as this one. All you have to do is keep mum!! Say nothing. It's that simple. Ideally all of us should be able to do it, right? This is when the buzzer rings and the red bulb flashes. Wronggggg!!!! The Silent Treatment is a master's art. One which is subtlety at its best. There are so many parameters and nuances - how long do you keep quiet, when do you start, how do you make the man realize that it's the silent treatment he is being subjected to and not just a peaceful day, what do you say to finally break the silence ... get it? What seems like a simple two step process (keep quiet, speak) is actually more complicated than tying your shoe laces with your arms tied behind your back.

For starters, silence will not buy you the reaction of remorse you want to see in your man. Because just silence will reveal it instantly that you are upset and the man will start with his acts of seeking (or is it pleading) forgiveness pronto. The silent treatment is like wooing a pretty girl - real pleasure requires prolonged pampering. So the trick is to not be completely silent but instead, be decreasingly vocal.

"Wanna go out for dinner?" the man would ask.

"No," you reply. Not a word more. Don't explain anything. Make him wonder if it's actually the beginning of the silent treatment or if it's just a terse reply.

"Wanna go for a movie?" he'll ask you soon, to reaffirm his fears.

"No," you reply again.

That's when the man gets freaked out. He's almost sure that he is being served the mother of all doses but he still has a spec of doubt.

"Are you angry?" he'll ask. Now you will be able to sense the urgency in his tone.

Don't say NO this time. Just nod your head. Maybe add "No, I'm fine."

This is when the man officially freaks out. See the reason why the silent treatment is so effective is because men never know what the woman is so angry for. It's the suspense that drives them nuts. Now all men know they screw up. More times than they should. So there is the guilty moments playing medley in their mind. However, they are just not sure which one blew his lady up.

"Is it because I called up your friend?" "Is it because I did not wash the dishes after eating?" "Is it because I called your mom fat and dad a psycho? WHAT IS IT? Tell me. Tell me." They go berserk in no time.

And that is amazing for the ladies. Without saying anything they figure out all the things they should've been angry for - and that just adds on to their aggression.

At this point ladies, turn up the volume of the act. Gesticulation is thrown in. Start twitching your lips. Do the fake "I'm abt to cry and my eyes are almost red" eye motion. Maybe even sniff and breathe a few sighs. That'll scare the crap out of the man. Coz as I mentioned, the beauty of the Silent Treatment is that men have no clue how severe their blunder is and how long the ordeal will continue. It's like watching a Hindi soap on TV - every week you think that the drama has reached it's peak but things still go on for fourteen years!!!!

And finally the outburst. Don't mess that up ladies. Then you have a great movie with a lame climax. Don't just blurt out "You forgot our five month three day anniversary" and spoil the classic moment. Either shout out loud or shed a few tears when you finally speak - but whatever you do pose the crime back to him as a question - "You don't know why I'm angry? Right? Ask yourself ..." Yes, this will just blow up your man. Then he knows that he is standing in the face of a canon - just waiting for you to blow it up!! And then .... go for the kill.

Sorry men. The silent treatment does NOT work on the ladies. They just think it's blissful silence. Also if done for long enough they don't serve you dinner and just say "If you were hungry, you should have just asked for food." So face it - we might score one up on them by peeing while standing - but when it comes to winning the battle with minimum words - u know why we take the shield home all the time;-)

Pursuit of Happiness

All through our lives, we chase the objects that promise us happiness, like money, love, good times, fame, power, success, etc. But the paradox, is that we never really get happiness. Why? Because we look for it in the wrong place. Outside, not inside. We gallop after all that it flourishes, horse racing, cigarette smoking, Formula One races, partying till the wee hours and what not. But no sooner do we get there than the promised happiness either dissolves or is seen to not exist.

As long as the intellect and the mind do not do their duty by reining in and controlling the senses, the horses will run amok, charging after whatever attracts them without discrimination or restraint. And what happens? The rider never gets to the place he wants to go: peace of mind, happiness, health, even enlightenment.



Most of us pay obeisance to both for we are awfully torn between what we should do and what the heart wants to do...i am all the time. Instead of fusing all our energies into one direction, we fritter them by being pulled into two opposite directions. We long to stay slim, fit and healthy, but no sooner do we see a mutton biryani or hariyali kabab than our goal forgotten and we chomp right into them.My middle nam's a HOG(reminds me that my best friend gave me a superlative saying Nikita:most likely to finish all the food on the table and long for dessert";-)

We long for success but instead of gritting our teeth and working our heads off, we apple polish the boss and bitch about our colleagues. We vow not to gossip or bitch about others but no sooner do we catch hold of a juicy morsel, than we hasten to spread it among our buddies. Life is a long and wearisome struggle to get out of the hold of the devil within and listen to the Right.

When you pursue happiness, it eludes you. however, when you recognise that happiness is the soul’s natural state, all we need to do is eliminate all that comes between one's happiness


My mantra from today will be:Do not try too hard at being happy; just accept the current


In a sense, both the above scenarios are variants of the pursuit of happiness – a mantra of today’s world.

On the material front, When i mastered a cycle, I wanted a kinetic, when i got a kinetic, I wanted to drive acar to school. When I drive an accent today,i wanna see myself driving an Audi A4 in 3years time ...MY list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.

On the status front, the moment we get a promotion, we begin hankering after the next one. A pay hike is good only if nobody else has got a higher one. We want a separate cabin and privacy if the other guy has one. Again, the list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.

Even on the emotional and relationships front, our relationships are evaluated on the basis of how many visits, how many phone calls, how many invitations one gets and gives. We seek to create a perfect family of always smiling people around us, and are disappointed if things are not picture perfect. Yet again, the list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.
I was thinking today why i was unhappy without reason and i realised it's all in mind and the pursuit of a perfect world that we get unhappy....

So i guess its best if we just Scatter sunshine all the way...


One towards lasting happiness and fulfillment, the other towards temporary satisfaction and permanent regret. At the end of our lives, we will be able to gauge which of the two has been our guide and inspiration by examining where we stand. Are we happy, energised, buoyant and radiant? Are we tired, ill, impoverished and unfulfilled?



If you want to go East, don’t go West. If you want to lose weight, don’t eat fattening food. If you want to be fit, don’t give up your exercise. If you want to finish your project, stop chatting with your colleagues and checking the mail..can u imagine that am blogging right now on company time;-),,par gyaan baatne main kya jaata hain??

If you want to get enlightened, stop chasing good times. Refuse to betray your friends or your own values. Refuse to chase money, fame or power at the cost of values or principles. Refuse to indulge the senses.

And lo, your task is done, put the long term over the short term, the principle over expedience, the right over the tempting.

Naked Truth..

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know
We please the fleeting guest
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.

Walking on Eggshells....

William shakespeare in Hamlet said "My words fly up ,my thoughts remain below.words without thoughts never to heaver go"
Be it a relationship,friendship,platonic engagements or anything that is played by adam and eve ....why do we have to undergo the microscopic lethalness of words that people without any idea bestow on us,our character,our relationships,,Why should man want to present himself or any acts in a silver plate to the outside world which otherwise seems so chill and freezes without any regard to the emotion underneath....why should we walk life under the scrutiny????
I have seen perfect relationships around me break into glass pieces without a trace of storm over arguments involving harsh Words....Nicking people with words has become what we say a fashion statement..In yesteryears people engaged in games like dance,drama to engage themslves..today people engage in nicking and slashing people with words,,,words which act like swords in any man's life...which are brutal and always leave stains....and scars which cant be undone.....

"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Remember that little rhyme from childhood?
I say its fucking nonsense@@##$$%Z%

Today am dwelling coz one of the closest people in my life was on tenterhooks coz some green eyed bitch could'nt digest a happy life of a counterpart ...... so what do we do put her life upside down..the green eyed biatch mailed the love of her life and fed him with lies puking on the poor girls character and nicking at her for practically even the way she farted in discomfort...they say jealousy thy name is woman..and in every right it is..i havent see any man doing such ridiculous things..
I have experienced jealousy when my guys gaze would linger on a nice looking girl but never like this...face it people there are better people in the world and why be soo judgemental of everyone around you..Does jealousy get the better of us all the time???. folks excuse "nicking" as just being brutally honest. In my experience, most of the folks who brag about being brutally honest enjoy the brutality more than the honesty....Am a straight forward person myself but never have i ever stepped over someone's character...
If the other person tells you that you have no right to your feelings, it may be because they do not really understand how emotions work. Or perhaps they want to divert attention from their own bad behavior by blaming you instead.

I have been in a relationship where i was walking on eggshells but am growing and growning well outta it,its important we realise....
Realize that our emotions belong to us They are real and they are ours. We have a right to respect owr own feelings, values and dignity, and to ask that others do the same.
Moving on to relationships...
Most people get involved in a relationship for the right reasons and leave a relationship for the wrong reasons..i walked outta mine coz i felt abused verbally ,emotionally and when a relationship becomes abusive its time to call it quits coz a relationship without respect is a hollow relationship and i dont think its bad... In fact, most of us have been guilty of it at one time or another and of being a complete spaz demanding we get our way in the relationship. Remember the movie He Said, She Said? A constant power struggle ensues when you make the relationship all about you. So why do we do it?Why do we get into one...Am single but why do i in my head scan people to think if they would be a lasting relationship material..why is there a need always for us to be fussed over by someone of the opposite sex..am blessed in my life with a stable family,care and love and friends who would always back me up..why then do i always sie people and their worth by putting them in the same frame....Do i really need a relationship or is it because people frown when they see single..it is slowly become a synonym for undesired...Am single but definitely not ready to mingle am happy on my own why still when i sleep i have thoughts that make me lonely..calling the realtionship quits was a personal choice i made ..then why do i dwellin my past ..what is that my life lacks..a companion maybe with whom we share our darkest deepest secrets..wonder what am i looking for.definitely not aother relationship.....Am closing my eyes and praying not to lay flat in the trap society nets out for me...i need wisdom and i need prayers to keep the sunshine alive..my life cant be defined by a set of Adams...
I believe the reason this happens is that we make unhealthy relationship choices. In our deepest inner desires, we naturally long for companionship and love in our lives. In our haste, we choose unwisely and compromise for that "next person" that comes along to satisfy that longing. In this context, it's easy to bend and flex because in the beginning we still don't know that person. Then as we do get to know them, we find ourselves making more compromises because we don't have the guts to fess up to our mistakes and all sorts of other irrational reasons rambling through our head to avoid hurting someone else. Bad move, fess up.

Muh new neck accessory :Muh Dog Collar

Just a month through with the TMTP program, as soon as I land in Delhi am welcomed by an excruciating pain in muh left shoulder and neck, So like most of us would do I squeezed out almost half a bottle of volini and a brufin and I announced to myself it’ll be o.k in the morning.. It just grew worse by the night. I cried the pain into the poor pillow but nothing seemed to happen. I lay awake wondering what the bloody pain was all about. Anyway I get dressed in the morning to go to work and forced a smile to my not so smiling face as if to camouflage the pain I underwent. After a yummy treat of banoffee at Big Chill , the afternoon session began …
The pain became unbearable, muh batchmates ,Ass and three otha musketeers as I call em (who are the only sane people in our overhyped program) rushed me to the doc.

Whoa our doc was this Indian version of Richard Gere charm , with salt and pepper hair and a voice as deep as the ocean ,I forgot all about my pain..But the bones that lay in his clinic as decorative structures scared the daylights outta me ,I started imagining if mine would be added there as a souvenir after the visit as well…I was told to get an MRI scan done and man the scan was crazy. I was put in an enclosed shuttle for 20 minutes which at that time seemed a lifetime and my hands were tied with strict instructions not to move an inch or the whole process would have to be restarted. The scan began. Apparently through the sound vibration and the nerve reactions to the sounds which kept getting louder and my tears kept soaking the sheets on which I lay, I was adjudged to have pain in C5 C6 area of the nerve that attached the spine. Thankfully after what seemed an eternity while I had imagined my death and written my will in my head at that time and prayed for muh loved ones
the scan stopped and I was pulled out of the chamber after which I must have wept for good 10 minutes, surprised I was still alive or something.

The whooping bill of Rs.5000 for the scan left me short of a heart attack and my plans of gifts and shopping at GK and our dilli special Sarojini Nagar went down the drain.
With the forced bed rest and a dog collar adorning my neck I felt like a dead camel minus the height bit, I have been a cross between being a junkie and a zombie.
With 9 tablets a day divided between morning noon and night ,I wake up only to have food and then the pills which induce sleep into me again. pain and the pills that keep me drowsy and disoriented through the day. I wake up groggy after a night of fitful sleep, take my morning dose and spend the day in a daze till it is time for my night dose, after which I spend till bed-time nodding off sitting on the sofa flipping through 120 channels after which my hand starts hurting and I give up .

P.S = Am the sort of person who hates the attention and am totally pathetic at responding to the courtesies of how are u feeling beta, is the pain still there (no am just hallucinating it aunty and the pills taste like Cadbury Gems ),oh you look much better to day and I look in the mirror and realise I could scare a Frankenstein’s monster with my physical appearance.
So, I decide to come home .Have been home for 2 weeks now wondering how much I’ve missed and the amount of work ill have to cope up with,.I.ve been dissapointed but the visit to the hospital made me realise that there is so much suffering in our surroundings that people go through, it gave me courage enough to go through the hospitalization for 2 days with continous traction, which is suspending weights from the chin and the shoulder and lying in bed in a constant position.
But am coping with all of it although pain is a lonely place to be but disappointments will always come our way ,we need to laugh em away.To think of a perfect life is wishful thinking ,but guess it’s now that I realise that it takes only me to tell me that I will be fine and trust me if u sleep with that thought u will feel better the next day. So I have chosen a peaceful reaction to life’s disappointments and urge all u out there suffering or just plain disappointed with life to choose the same .During this pain guys I must tell you that I went shopping sneakingly and also danced with muh dog collar on because I choose to be happy and give my strict bed rest a freakin break though its really not recommended coz the pain afta that was unbearable and the answer that I gave to all those people who asked me what happened after looking at me sporting the dog collar to the dance floor ,,my answer was “it’s nothing guys ,am just hiding muh hikkies……
Love ya all..
And hey don’t tell me the cliché “get well soon”which is muh version of temme in advance when would u just kick the bucket ,so I can stitch muh funeral dress)
I’ll pen down by saying “laugh it away” and you’ll recover ..

Overrated TMTP peeka boos

Its always the same feeling.., like a lil girl entering first grade, butterflies in the tummy ,dew drops in eyes with the same sad parting feeling of trading a total comfort zone to coming to terms with a brand new world of fresh faces ,uncanny smiles, jilted expressions..

Take 2 : Picture this:-.a chaotic Indian railway journey with all these new people where Uno served as the only ice breaker. I was so uneasy with the thought of conversation and the verbatim of formal introduction rounds, with eyes scanning to conclude and draw nonsensical judgements on each others nature and past digs .I wondered to myself if this is what I had aspired for. We were these bunch of girls from varied backgrounds, varied cultures spanned across the Indian continent, put together as the chosen ones for the prestigious TMTP from all over India,wonder how they did that though in my case coz am sure a misfit here with all these nerds around me.but the only thing am proud of is that atleast I don’t fake being mtself,i dare to say what I think though its really not appreciated in the kind of industry am in ..but like I really care a fig!!! The fakeness of a few faces alerted my senses , however the warmth and genuinity of a few was a relief. I wonder sometimes why people are not comfortable in their own skin, why pretend being all sugar caramel coating when the insides a burnt bun….personally I come from a background where we respect honest behaviors even if not polished, with an innate ability to sniff the wannabe Goody two shoes who are soo conscious of hiding their trueself....i understand diplomacy but hypocrisy is a major turnoff.....I don’t understand why should people hide who they truly are and what they’ve been., who the f** has the time n energy to get into details but why lie..its crazy how people coat their true self n their past varnishing it with false lies with an attempt to gather sympathy or sometimes just to hide the blemishes, but like h3y say the more u coat these things the more they shine out… .it’s crazy ..just be yourself man. .n wateva and whoeva you are we al rock in our own special ways. .i mean i do (lol;).. cant ignore myself for to long ;))
I longed for a warm hug and a glancing at the watch striking five .my mind longed for my mum's chai session and our famous long conversations in the balcony over and everything under the sun .With an uncomforting solace I forced myself to sleep...
Take 3:
Welcomed by the heat and humidity of Mumbai , the days at the Taj Mahal progressed. We were in the lap of sheer luxury, the extravagance of the full breakfast buffet, from laundry, housekeeping and cab drop a phone call away we were spoilt to the core. .
Just wish this year gets through well hoping to Kick ass …..

Celebrating Women's Day(or just providing SYMPATHY!!!)

Women's Day ...really why is it that the men dont have a day tributed to them like we do ..the real reason coz they are the ones who are truly liberated since the time they fucking start breathing life..i have nothing against Men in general I want to clear that in the first place as am blessed with the not soo traditional male in my life and family who take pride in Me and in all my endeavours but this is crying out loud to the society around me and the average male dominated world still.... when i was reading the newspaper this morning ..i asked myself why is it that we celebrate a day devoted to ode the Women..why not have a men's day...are we really liberated ????..when we earn money and are independent why is that stories of independence are glorified abt girls entering the male bastions and conquering "their world" like they put it..i mean i do everyhting that any Guy could possibly do....but if a girl earns money it is always referred to as "additional income ".that is sheer disgrace ..and the guy is the bread earner and even if the girl earns more than the guy .. Remember ladies it would always be Additional Income...i read an article day before where a woman drowned her 3 girls coz she wanted a boy and the girlchild was a liability as they were poor .. first started with the "Mumbai Molestations" as media referred to it. Two women were groped and pinched in public and the women accused didnt even want to press charges coz of family pressures .. these were educated women.the literate and the aware ones, why has the society become so insensitive and not to forget the boohaa created a self righteous guy went and told the media that it was the girls fault as they were partying on new years eve and were inappropriately dressed and must have been drunk already ..i mean is partying a crime for ladies ... lets first clarify what is an appropriate dress,the saree where in ur breasts are soo prominently shaped and seen from both side angles and the waist which can be seen right till rthe navel not to forget the blouses and the backs and super cleavage eye popping sights..Like if we're covered from head to toe, men would totally keep their hormones in check and worship us? Why is it that the first question that pops up when such a thing happens is about the woman's conduct or lets put it if they were asking to be groped? I mean, WTF I just don't get it.
jeese for christ sake the Le Meridian incident wherein the poor NRI girl was told that giving a BMW as dowry and getting all cozy with the father Inlaw was Indian tradition of having harmony and she should not raise her voice and what is the society doing abt such things,when will we be spared of all this bullshit ...
i recently happened to travel for an interview in Jaipur and i had to travel by bus and this guy oops a man travelling with his wife and child was my biggest threat ,i mean can u imagine the audacity of him staring at me continoulsy for almost three hours and the wife is looking elsewhere not bothered and simply ignoring her beau's tactics to get my attention..wish i was a goons daughter so i could shoot all of these people i mean for christ sake ..when his lil son in the wife's arms started crying and instead of helping his wife to calm the child he looked embarassed..sure he wouldnt be so when he was planning the child or accidently had him..till when will we pretend like all this never happened..fucked up man!!



Pray lets wake up please!!

Setups....thats what i call em.?//

Relationships

The first word that comes to my mind is ‘complex’ when I hear that word, there’s nothing like an ideal there!!
My friend the other day was whining about the fact that she hates it when her guy talks about all his previous conquests so openly in front of her ,laughing at it or sometimes sermonizing in front of his friends or when they are in a group, it is demeaning to hear ur guy say all that especially with the current girl around if I may put it .Its insulting and if I were her (tho that wud neva be) I would throw hot soup in his freaking face.Its disgusting , have heard their fights and he claims he is being honest .Honest bullshit. .Think about it would anyone wanna discuss the nitty gritties of all the past and then dig out the muck and throw at each oher or when there’s a heated discussion happening .Talk about hypocrisy its sheer insensitiveness towards your partner as she would be the next girl soon in the list .I hope not though. .fingers crossed.%%
.I think that this kind of stuff should be reserved for an intimate moment alone with one’s partner.. coz flashbacks serve no pupose jus spell War…and I don’t consider spilling out gory details as deceitful it is practical guys for crying out loud ..i mean that poor girl hearts of hearts is at all times complexed coz she never knows when would she be compared o some random person and is at all times rather coy about all those feelings lest they also be paraded in public…coz u never know when such details willl be thrown at them. .Its important to be sensitive to your partners need when u claim u r in a relationship. .Its not about planning trips together but its also about being there, .knowing all those unspoken things… a warm hug,saying ure there , I mean my father till now is the only man I have known who knows at all times what maa likes and surprises her often coz she is this person who would just never demand anything ..I mean I have never come across any1 as satiated as her. .she is satiated with life that its unimaginable a thing that none of her children have acquired…being satisfied ..i mean look at me .the day I got a car I wanted a nice music system..when I got that i wanted woofers ,when I got that I wanted to drive my dads car!:)..but hey we are not talking of me at the moment…I mean am the sort of person who verbalizes every need ,every aspect of my life ..i have grown in an extremely communicative environment wherein each word that I said was respected, argued, fought shared, joked but the bottom line is it was always given an attentive ear and respected.. !!
I think that was a very nurturing experience as It is important to articulate feelings and emotions…ALMOST ALWAYS...watsay??

Friend For life:)

This woman has become such am important part of my life!! the very thought of her going away and me not able to meet her got me jitters..Shes someone who will never be judgemental of u..who'd respect you even if u killed a tousand people coz her heart was cast in gold..she truly is an amazing soul and i wish her a life of love and happines wherver she is..we've spent crazy times together,been silent soo comfortably in each others presense and done the craziest stuff together..!!
just want you to know that youre very special in muh life!!
looking forward to crazier times together;)
mwaahzz:)

Bitter Sweet Memories...

After all the boo haa that was created… For the first time I realized the meaning of the phrase "BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER".. When the phone call came through ,it took but a moment to finish feelings ,smash to smithereens the memories, break the wall of the little faith that the woman I took as a Godmother had in each other, the person I soo admired and idolized and prized more than my own Mother.
Not that I have regrets...but it all went in vain.
there was soo much to be said and cleared but it was’nt the time, and there were no chances given .Perhaps coz the loudness in tone was a medium to justify their own shortcomings but that had nothing to do with the woman I loved so dearly. Her position and relationship with her kin was of utmost importance to her but if she were the woman I idolized there would be chances give, the tone would be calmer if not composed the anger would be enveloped if not hidden.
Maybe someday life would show reality, maybe not ,i feel stupid in having letting someone affect my existence to such a great extent ,feel stupid in having been vulnerable again with feelings and emotions. How I wish I would have known that blood is thicker than water.
Its ironical as to how things are today, it sure wasn’t the fate but what came as a surprise to all .it didn’t even take 24 hours for the emotions to evaporate but life makes you come across crazy happenings every day and it has once again got me to a standstill yet again with me questioning my own faith in myself. I wont say that it didn’t affect me coz it has shattered me in a lot of ways, but I know that I will come out strong. Will fight my fears and won’t let them haunt me for long .My life revolves around myself and my family and how I wish id realized earlier the meaning of the phrase!!!

“Sometimes it takes an unexpected encounter to put our life in perspective.”
By Ian Harrison.


I wish them well and would always do ,have had soo much to learn and memories that I would eventually try and forget but its sad to be associated to someone and forgotten in a jiffy ,I would try and do that too as it is comfortable to my existence but my mothers words today would always haunt me. .always...Im sorry MOM!!.i know that u being u would forget about it soon but i never would. .it affected you too and I know that for a fact My ‘LIFE’ said that I should have given them a piece of my mind but my respect for that woman is too strong though the feelings now would be hidden .I can never answer back to the people I soo dearly respect and she would always be loved by me and missed and she was and will always be the woman who I soo dearly idolized.!!

I would never forget today but will remind myself what Dad always says”

Even the worst haircut eventually grows out…..

Probably the most important day of my life..turned out to be the worst one..its crazy how some mornings just bring no sun forget the shine and leave u soo cold..wat started as a crazy morning with a flat tyre ,no balance o the phone,people screaming their heads off at u on a busy highway looking at you like it was your choice to stay there in the middle of the NH8 stranded with nowhere to go,fearing the speedy cars wud just crush u on one of the most importnt days of any hoteliers life at the embryo stage....wen i was to appear for an OCLD interview..sitting across that chair in that interview room was never so tough.. like it had been today..it was crazy,my mouth dry ,clueless about the bombarding of seemingly easy.. yet questions i never thought wud be even a part of an interview at that level.aint an excuse in any way.. clearly didnt give them any reason to eve think of recruiting me..its been my biggest failure in a very long time..never been easy 4 me to lose to sum1..never wud be..its hard to face defeat..always was..i never felt it..today i did and then the people who u thought wud have wished well for you never did..like suddenly all the hems came out loose and hanging all of which were once so beautifully knit together..i feel a sense of pain today and defeat..i got plenty strong words to give me sleep though by people who matter..but i miss the ones that once did..i wish em well n just wish they hadnt wished this way...its weird belonging to someone and then suddenly the loop breaks and we hang there in oblivion.absolute darkness..not that i regret..just wish well for those who didnt..wish well for those who said theyd care..am hurt in alot of ways today..i clearly am ,,but let this affcet aint me..i wud never let that happen.its not human to stay unruffled but i proudly say i was true...and gives me great satisfaction in having decided what i did and lets hope for happiness..sincerely..for all of us..sounds philosophical but yeah am in my moods today when i just want to stay curled up in bed and and read a nice book by Coelho and just sipp some good home made tea..miss home today and miss the warmth of those who sinecerely care with or without our faults..reminds me of what they say..the only genuine thing is blood!!

This seems like a new beginning,its too much too soon,the feelings funny,the emotions are contradicting,the responsibilities are plenty,life's taken a brand new turn,wonder for the good or the bad,i call it serendepity ,my frnds call it stupidity,should life take its toll or should i decide..My earlier attmepts at that have been random and compulsive,wonder what's good ,whats bad..or would it last..they say that its a compromise,,i didnt plan it that way,,this was thrown..is it just a catch??
whtever it takes,
will give it my best..
leave it to destiny..
rest shall soon be known..
Amen..

Cobweb Of Life

This is a piece of art created by Jatin Sapru,A Man i respect and care for and wud do so always,it says cobweb of life and tells us the way in which all of us humans have entangled ourselves in the bittersweet ways of life and are in a contant need of finding a way out...but stay stuck in the web of life till we get to our graves...however vague it may sound it is the reality of life!!