Probably the most important day of my life..turned out to be the worst one..its crazy how some mornings just bring no sun forget the shine and leave u soo cold..wat started as a crazy morning with a flat tyre ,no balance o the phone,people screaming their heads off at u on a busy highway looking at you like it was your choice to stay there in the middle of the NH8 stranded with nowhere to go,fearing the speedy cars wud just crush u on one of the most importnt days of any hoteliers life at the embryo stage....wen i was to appear for an OCLD interview..sitting across that chair in that interview room was never so tough.. like it had been today..it was crazy,my mouth dry ,clueless about the bombarding of seemingly easy.. yet questions i never thought wud be even a part of an interview at that level.aint an excuse in any way.. clearly didnt give them any reason to eve think of recruiting me..its been my biggest failure in a very long time..never been easy 4 me to lose to sum1..never wud be..its hard to face defeat..always was..i never felt it..today i did and then the people who u thought wud have wished well for you never did..like suddenly all the hems came out loose and hanging all of which were once so beautifully knit together..i feel a sense of pain today and defeat..i got plenty strong words to give me sleep though by people who matter..but i miss the ones that once did..i wish em well n just wish they hadnt wished this way...its weird belonging to someone and then suddenly the loop breaks and we hang there in oblivion.absolute darkness..not that i regret..just wish well for those who didnt..wish well for those who said theyd care..am hurt in alot of ways today..i clearly am ,,but let this affcet aint me..i wud never let that happen.its not human to stay unruffled but i proudly say i was true...and gives me great satisfaction in having decided what i did and lets hope for happiness..sincerely..for all of us..sounds philosophical but yeah am in my moods today when i just want to stay curled up in bed and and read a nice book by Coelho and just sipp some good home made tea..miss home today and miss the warmth of those who sinecerely care with or without our faults..reminds me of what they say..the only genuine thing is blood!!

This seems like a new beginning,its too much too soon,the feelings funny,the emotions are contradicting,the responsibilities are plenty,life's taken a brand new turn,wonder for the good or the bad,i call it serendepity ,my frnds call it stupidity,should life take its toll or should i decide..My earlier attmepts at that have been random and compulsive,wonder what's good ,whats bad..or would it last..they say that its a compromise,,i didnt plan it that way,,this was thrown..is it just a catch??
whtever it takes,
will give it my best..
leave it to destiny..
rest shall soon be known..
Amen..

Cobweb Of Life

This is a piece of art created by Jatin Sapru,A Man i respect and care for and wud do so always,it says cobweb of life and tells us the way in which all of us humans have entangled ourselves in the bittersweet ways of life and are in a contant need of finding a way out...but stay stuck in the web of life till we get to our graves...however vague it may sound it is the reality of life!!

Go GOA;)

Goa :whoa a holiday there has clearly refreshed me in evry which way,from the sunny beaches in all its splendour,the sand on the feet,lounging in the shacks lazily all day,sipping Kings beer and not to forget muh favourite archers..its pure PSYCHEDELIA..the allure about goa is it still is original and much of its beauty is oriental in form...its beautiful..the henna tatoos,,i got a dragon done on muh leg and another sumthing somewhere;))alll at throw away prices with crazy bargains..these tattoos last u for abput a monthe which suits me the best as i get bored pretty easily and then i want muh self all clear and clean..the day starts and ends sipping alcohol which doesnt pinch as its cheapest in the stAte,,the trance got me real hich,,they call it Dragon trance ,,its crazy beats in shacks,smell of Chillam in the air,people moving around with crazy expressiona o their faces,,life is at a stanstill there,no rush hours,no traffic,,and the best part is that perhaps the only place in india where the skirts outnumber the sarees...such a relief..the people are welcoming and make u at ease in a jiffy,,the cops are always on the lookout for crazy people like me who drive around activas and avengers....without a licence thinking its apna U.P..n hey if u get caught,,they wont leave till all ur pockets empty..for the smart asses like me,,jus runaway if ure sure of the chase;))...hey i also gor hair braiding done..cantr wait till i go there again...miss u GOA!! draft

Blood Blessings

Today as i sat with mom with our large cups up tea..the usual afternoon and what smelled and tasted like home.I realised we have been catching up on so many things and occurences in both our lives recently an am soo glad,hers being a teacher for more than 25 years now..weve spent the most beautiful time this time around as we had recently come back from a vacation in pune at muh brothers place who is currently employed and happy and so were we to c him settled...We have been catching up since almost what seems long hours that never seem enough.My mom whos always earned the praise of all my friends and one in particular aditi whos all praises for her always as she puts it "babe,shes the most amazing mother there ever was"..true every word of her praise..she truly is!!Although we have always kept in touch with our lives yet before this vacation we had never reallly dissected the happenings and the occurences,something that we do so often ..Today when i was leaning back on my cushion in the drawing room sipping tea with her i realised .."i always knew she is an amazing mother but today shes more like a very dear friend"dunno when she became one..
As far as my memory stretches maa has always been the first person that i came to with every tear and every laugh..When i lost my front tooth and swore never to smile till i got back one,when i lost my favourite pen,when i first slapped a guy in school and when i did all those stupid things in my room like painting the door and writing stupid nothings when she was asleep and she would wake up 2 the horror of finding her expensive done up wall reduced to a spoiled one with smudges of paint here and there..she never said a word though her dissapointment was apparent..She has never judged me,and has let me set my own expectations,thankfully unlike my other friends who hav grown up with fights in the families amd separated parents or siblings that never acknowledged each other in public..Ours touch wood has been quite a happy modest upbringing woth a happy home front...Today as i sat across the woman who has given me life i can just thank her for her lovely gifts that have been in terms of letting me be me and not finding her ideal daughter in me..am soo glad to her for that ..i know that we are both growing up in experience and in coming closer to each other but all i want to say is that she has been perhaps the only one in my life who made me feel that my opinions were never immature and my thoughts never silly..
Love her
mwwaah

An ode to muh best friends:)

Well,,what do i say about fareena she is charm personified,like they say she brings me sunshine even on a dark cloudy day,have known her since was a kid,have practically spent the most important years of my life with her,owe a lot 2 her,when i first met her i didnt know we would come soo close one day..am soo glad i have a friend like her ..with her i forget all my worries and she just takes it all away sumhow..shes been there for me whenever ive needed her and i wish her all the best always..She is lifes best gift 2 me after my family and its her birthday on the 16th of june,so i thought ill write about her and make her feel special coz thats what she truly is SPECIAL,in the very true sense of the word,,shes pulled me through the worst phases of my life,shes tolerated my mood swings and stood by me always,shes lifes best gift to everyone she lays her hand on...trust her with my eyes closed and trust me from someone like me its the perfect reward coz i dont usually trust a lot of people...


My other friend is a certain V.wont mention his name or his girlfriend would kill him and probably butcher me;))lol;)when i talk about him my face smiles unknowingly hes the kindaa guy who would bring life in a graveyard as well with his infectious laughter.those eyes that twinkle like the bright blue sky,the most adorable virtue he possesses is that even when life socks at his face he doesnt whine or pin a blame on sum1 else,simply dusts himself off it and makes a practical decision ..i feel it takes quite a bone to do that with soo much elegance,hes determined and usually wont back off till he sees a steamroller headed towards him,this man spurns at the very show of sentiment and people who have seen a glimpse of the real him would know that he would otherwise blush when no1's looking n then furiously curse himself for doing so and pretend to compose himself like nothing happened..Beneath all his hardness is a man whos as gentle,caring and his sense of humur is sensational,reminds me of a recent incident when the house he was staying in caught fireand burned down to ashes..,while everyone else whined and complained ..this man stood there looking for a while and then when i looked at him with watery eyes in a manner to say something that might comfort him he just said,dnt worry baby its time 2 go for some shopping would you have time tomorrow..now thats what i call strength in the real sense..and a zest for lifethats phenomenal..his enthusiasm would make even a dead man wanna live life again and am soo glad that ive known him and i dont know if we stay friends forever or if life is kind enough to keep us together he would always be very close to my heart and i wish him a life of love,luck and happiness always
Cheers to both the most important people in my life
God Bless them Both!!

here i lie wasted...

have come to a stage where all i feel is anxiety..feel like a complete waste..feel like ..well in on e word helpless...torn between what i wanna do..well ask me all i wanna do is get away from home..from being under the constant expectation of making it big and dunno what all.. i sure dnt wanna join any random good for nothing mba coaching.. n be another one in the long rat race..,,my anxiety doesnt come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it maybe..i notice that when am bored i think i am tired of my surroindings like home at the moment..but is it that or am i actually tired of thinking..my thoughts that overcome the better of me all the time,,all depressing ones..its me i guess that jus produces all the discontent..all the unhappiness..i have a nagging fear that anagging self prediction hat watever would come my way would be the same old thing..i know i cant expect imminent change and remain judgemental of the present...