Beyond The Grey

Whether you like it,crib about it ,you cant escape from the revolution of 50 shades of Grey ,from the midland Mum to most 20 year olds reading the bondage affair ,its got everyone talking and probably redefining what goes on inside the bedroom .. From women in Delhi holding their hens and uber cool aunties holding kitties on the theme of Fifty Shades with everyone sporting faintly fetish wear ,its got all the readers gripped..Having picked one myself ,I can firmly say ,although the book is grammatically weak and repetitive in style the concept is rather bold to be told in such a stylish fashion. Bedroom relationships have been redefined from sexier outfits to feeling confident to talking dirty,many experts say that a baby boom is expected as a result.Men are loving their wives reading Grey and probably the fantasy world is being given a bold description. The sadomasochistic affair between wealthy entrepreneur Christian Grey and literature student Anastasia Steele has sparked the business of lingerie and erotic sensibilities. However,to my opinion the book has done very little to remove the misconception that submissives are doormats to a pre-feminist age, and as someone who self-defines as ‘submissive’ that makes me think that the concept could have been shown better light with either of the duo playing submissive. 50 Shades of Gray did its positive thing -it got a lot of people interested in trying some activities(And, again, a big portion of submissives are men, and dominants are women. Or it can be a gay or lesbian couple. There are all kinds of varieties).Either way its liberating. Beyond that, everybody has to decide for themselves what role kink will play in their lives. I know people who live a BDSM relationship 24/7, others who have a regular vanilla relationship except for when they play and have sex. There are people who don't venture beyond fur-lined cuffs, and people who have a huge suitcase full of toys..There is no one way to do it, it's your own personal journey. I dont agree with it being'bad for women'in any way.But there are so many different kinds of women. How can one say that a book is 'bad' for all women? I happen to feel that there are plenty of women who would accept the book at face-value,it's erotica, meant purely for entertainment. It's not written as a guide to how we as women should feel about ourselves and what we should expect from relationships. I read a book about a suicidal woman who killed herself - is that bad for me? No. Because I can read about it without becoming the characters. While I understand that there are some people who might get the idea that the relationships described in the book are exactly what they want, I don't feel that it' is necessarily 'bad'. Let people make their own decisions, and decide if it's right for them. It seems simple-minded to make such a broad statement about women when no two women are the same. Personally i feel every woman,secretly would love to have a Christian's love and affection (without the BDSM and the controlling). If we could bottle that love and affection, the world would be a happier place.

Women are their own worst Enemies!!

"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." - Alice Walker

I happened to recently read an article wherein Sarah Palin was being asked by a lady reporter whether she had breast implants.

The most powerful women in India are shut down, based on their looks and physiology and not on their intellectual capabilities.God help if you dress well..there are women judging you from the heel to the cleavage ..

Imagine if the same conversation happened around men.
Obama, you have rock hard abs. Are those implants? Surely you don't have enough time to exercise while running the country.

How can we be taken seriously when it's all about the body and not about the brain?

As a culture in India, women are brought up to be fundamentally insecure From weight ,to looks ,to wrinkles,to hair fall (its never okay for a woman to be bald )to pregnancy , worry about our weight and about when we can start wearing makeup and getting our ears pierced and about the kinds of clothes we wear.Have we ever focused on the intellectual capital that a woman carries
As a society, we're not standing for the right values and principles. And the media have made it pretty clear what people should admire about women.

Don't get me wrong. I think a woman's sensuality and sexuality is one of our best assets, but it's only one of our best assets.IT's a blessing but just focusing on one of it is a curse.

Here's the thing, though. We're our own worst enemies.

We're catty, we're mean, and we're judgmental. We treat one another poorly, and we rarely support one another whether its work or home ..

If we want things to change, that has to start with us. The next time you are faced with making a snap judgment about another woman, think twice. When you decide not to support a woman-owned business or woman making a marketing pitch or a woman stating her point loud and clear at a family dinner, I hope it's based on lack of merits and not because it's run by a woman. !!

THE GREATEST PAIN/JOY COMES FROM LOVING

DON'T STOP LOVING


This is dedicated to all the confused souls in the world who have at some point of time in life suffered from a broken heart.

My friend today asked me as to how should she move on knowing that she may never find love that had lasted her so many years, sometimes we experience it in more ways that the number of years, in small moments ,but the experience is so rich and fulfilling that the memory stretches for eternity…

Yet even with these caveats, some people seem better able to dust themselves off and heal easier than do others. While there are those who jump start their way to future happiness rather than staying stuck.

Because relationships are no longer essential for our survival (girl’s perspective) (you can pay your own bills, drive around ,buy your own huse/car etc.), many women are choosing not to pursue another relationship. I know so many women who choose to stay single and become absolutely averse to mankind coz of a bitter experience with their husbands/partners or father.

Hence, protecting themselves from future heartbreak. But I dare say that this kind of behaviour is much worse as it elevates the pain to a higher level than it deserves. This is a mindset of avoiding risk/heartbreak . This choice (yes, it is a choice) will protect you from the pain of another failed relationship but it also stops you from experiencing the joy of another relationship.

I am one of those who has cherished the good memories but admits that the comparison does fill in especially when you have matured through the course of a relationship.
For every relationship that has caused pain in my life, I have wonderful memories of exciting adventures, thrilling intimacies, comforting companionship, shared goals, etc.

Would I have missed any of these positive things because of the emotional pain? Do moms not have a second child because of the memory of the pregnancy, the pain of childbirth and being sleep deprived during the many months of infancy? Life without risk may be safer but oh so very limiting. Think of all the good times you are missing right now in your life because you are choosing to not move on.
So my answer to her and a whole lot of others is baggage happens with every individual but why deprive yourself of the love ….
Like they say “It’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all”

Dirty tricks guests play....

Todays complaint handling with a customer reminded me of my fond days at the TAJ $ Radisson...Guests usually corner the most well dressed person in the staff...all modesty was always me;-) ..apparently, it's my duty to listen. Sometimes I get the impression they think I'm somehow to blame.
I don't mind, though. Bad service stories are fascinating. But often, as I hear the teller describe how the entire hotel staff conspired to ruin her stay, I see a different side. I see employees trying to help, and I see guests getting in the way. And I can't help but think that if travelers had a bit more insight into how hotels worked, they'd have more time to enjoy their trips. And I'd have more fun at cocktail parties.
Complaints are good, I always thought to myself but what gets sticky is when a customer tries to play dirty during sales calls and manipulates the boss and me (two parties) so one would succumb to pressure(my boss)and the customer wud get the benefit of a good rate..only if my boss had better sense & not think i was in it to loot him.But if you set expectations the hotel can't meet, such as a lake view without telling em the lake dries up in April ..u're in 4 trouble.., resist the temptation to shift the blame.
Yes, it feels good to unload on friends, colleagues and random strangers, but repetition heightens feelings of victimization, and chances are they're not listening anyway. If the issue is minor, speak to the front desk. If it's significant, ask for the duty manager. If tears and family heirlooms are involved, contact the general manager. If there's blood, call 911.
Now i work for a stand alone,undoubtedly the responsibility is immense,the free time =Nil ,position better.salary= I deserve better...but the owners are great,the politics still looms heavy but the good part is its a non-transferable job ..and i can stay put in apni dilli...
Hotels/Reputed Restaurants will go to great lengths to appease guests, but it's kind of hard if you're throwing furniture or lunging at our throat. Ladies are discouraged from standing sullenly aside while their husband complains, uttering little huffs to convey feelings about their husband (wimp) and the manager (moron). Gentlemen, no need to inform us of your net worth, company balance sheet, (as i never get a portion anyway),shoe size or number of Twitter followers. By virtue of being dissatisfied, you're important enough.
The other day a lady told me concierge saying she left her glares at the concierge counter and the girl flicked it..Poor girl was in tears for no fault and reputation at stake for a careless *****..guests immediately blame the nearest employee. Invariably, the item turns up. When a guest accused one of my staff members of stealing her iPod, I ran a key report and viewed security camera footage, then called her back to ask if she had checked with the stream of visitors to her room late that night. I didn't hear back. Store your valuables in the safe.
An eye for an eye. In today's economy, hotels aren't particularly enthusiastic about doling out freebies if we're not at fault. If we messed up, however, the matter should be resolved to your satisfaction. If you feel you deserve compensation, be candid-otherwise you might get a fruit basket. But be reasonable. If you want a large cash payout, you'd better be missing a limb. If you invent or exaggerate a story to get free stuff, you might get it, but you'll probably end up in hell.
Complain up. If the issue arises after checkout, send an email to the manager, who can copy it to other departments and, theoretically at least, resolve the matter quickly.
Bad things happen, even at the best places. The true test lies in how staff members respond. A little praise goes a long way. At times it may seem otherwise, but we're in this business because we love to please. Enjoy your dinner i say ladies;-)

The Power Of Silence!

Shhhhhhhhhhh ... shhh!!!
The "famous silent treatment" that women have forever ushered on the male specie. The weapon that can penetrate hearts that even generous bottles of free alcohol couldn't. The weapon that my grand mom used effectively and passed on to my mom. The same weapon I use on my boyfriend now and then and my mom i know if she knew would secretly smile, revelling in how the student has caught up with the master. If the bard was here today he would've said "Oh what a million words could not attain, a moment of silence did ..." Ladies and gentleman ... my one fiftieth of a dollar on one of womankind's most lethal strengths ...

No trick of the book is as deceptive as this one. All you have to do is keep mum!! Say nothing. It's that simple. Ideally all of us should be able to do it, right? This is when the buzzer rings and the red bulb flashes. Wronggggg!!!! The Silent Treatment is a master's art. One which is subtlety at its best. There are so many parameters and nuances - how long do you keep quiet, when do you start, how do you make the man realize that it's the silent treatment he is being subjected to and not just a peaceful day, what do you say to finally break the silence ... get it? What seems like a simple two step process (keep quiet, speak) is actually more complicated than tying your shoe laces with your arms tied behind your back.

For starters, silence will not buy you the reaction of remorse you want to see in your man. Because just silence will reveal it instantly that you are upset and the man will start with his acts of seeking (or is it pleading) forgiveness pronto. The silent treatment is like wooing a pretty girl - real pleasure requires prolonged pampering. So the trick is to not be completely silent but instead, be decreasingly vocal.

"Wanna go out for dinner?" the man would ask.

"No," you reply. Not a word more. Don't explain anything. Make him wonder if it's actually the beginning of the silent treatment or if it's just a terse reply.

"Wanna go for a movie?" he'll ask you soon, to reaffirm his fears.

"No," you reply again.

That's when the man gets freaked out. He's almost sure that he is being served the mother of all doses but he still has a spec of doubt.

"Are you angry?" he'll ask. Now you will be able to sense the urgency in his tone.

Don't say NO this time. Just nod your head. Maybe add "No, I'm fine."

This is when the man officially freaks out. See the reason why the silent treatment is so effective is because men never know what the woman is so angry for. It's the suspense that drives them nuts. Now all men know they screw up. More times than they should. So there is the guilty moments playing medley in their mind. However, they are just not sure which one blew his lady up.

"Is it because I called up your friend?" "Is it because I did not wash the dishes after eating?" "Is it because I called your mom fat and dad a psycho? WHAT IS IT? Tell me. Tell me." They go berserk in no time.

And that is amazing for the ladies. Without saying anything they figure out all the things they should've been angry for - and that just adds on to their aggression.

At this point ladies, turn up the volume of the act. Gesticulation is thrown in. Start twitching your lips. Do the fake "I'm abt to cry and my eyes are almost red" eye motion. Maybe even sniff and breathe a few sighs. That'll scare the crap out of the man. Coz as I mentioned, the beauty of the Silent Treatment is that men have no clue how severe their blunder is and how long the ordeal will continue. It's like watching a Hindi soap on TV - every week you think that the drama has reached it's peak but things still go on for fourteen years!!!!

And finally the outburst. Don't mess that up ladies. Then you have a great movie with a lame climax. Don't just blurt out "You forgot our five month three day anniversary" and spoil the classic moment. Either shout out loud or shed a few tears when you finally speak - but whatever you do pose the crime back to him as a question - "You don't know why I'm angry? Right? Ask yourself ..." Yes, this will just blow up your man. Then he knows that he is standing in the face of a canon - just waiting for you to blow it up!! And then .... go for the kill.

Sorry men. The silent treatment does NOT work on the ladies. They just think it's blissful silence. Also if done for long enough they don't serve you dinner and just say "If you were hungry, you should have just asked for food." So face it - we might score one up on them by peeing while standing - but when it comes to winning the battle with minimum words - u know why we take the shield home all the time;-)

Pursuit of Happiness

All through our lives, we chase the objects that promise us happiness, like money, love, good times, fame, power, success, etc. But the paradox, is that we never really get happiness. Why? Because we look for it in the wrong place. Outside, not inside. We gallop after all that it flourishes, horse racing, cigarette smoking, Formula One races, partying till the wee hours and what not. But no sooner do we get there than the promised happiness either dissolves or is seen to not exist.

As long as the intellect and the mind do not do their duty by reining in and controlling the senses, the horses will run amok, charging after whatever attracts them without discrimination or restraint. And what happens? The rider never gets to the place he wants to go: peace of mind, happiness, health, even enlightenment.



Most of us pay obeisance to both for we are awfully torn between what we should do and what the heart wants to do...i am all the time. Instead of fusing all our energies into one direction, we fritter them by being pulled into two opposite directions. We long to stay slim, fit and healthy, but no sooner do we see a mutton biryani or hariyali kabab than our goal forgotten and we chomp right into them.My middle nam's a HOG(reminds me that my best friend gave me a superlative saying Nikita:most likely to finish all the food on the table and long for dessert";-)

We long for success but instead of gritting our teeth and working our heads off, we apple polish the boss and bitch about our colleagues. We vow not to gossip or bitch about others but no sooner do we catch hold of a juicy morsel, than we hasten to spread it among our buddies. Life is a long and wearisome struggle to get out of the hold of the devil within and listen to the Right.

When you pursue happiness, it eludes you. however, when you recognise that happiness is the soul’s natural state, all we need to do is eliminate all that comes between one's happiness


My mantra from today will be:Do not try too hard at being happy; just accept the current


In a sense, both the above scenarios are variants of the pursuit of happiness – a mantra of today’s world.

On the material front, When i mastered a cycle, I wanted a kinetic, when i got a kinetic, I wanted to drive acar to school. When I drive an accent today,i wanna see myself driving an Audi A4 in 3years time ...MY list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.

On the status front, the moment we get a promotion, we begin hankering after the next one. A pay hike is good only if nobody else has got a higher one. We want a separate cabin and privacy if the other guy has one. Again, the list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.

Even on the emotional and relationships front, our relationships are evaluated on the basis of how many visits, how many phone calls, how many invitations one gets and gives. We seek to create a perfect family of always smiling people around us, and are disappointed if things are not picture perfect. Yet again, the list is endless.
And so is the pursuit.
I was thinking today why i was unhappy without reason and i realised it's all in mind and the pursuit of a perfect world that we get unhappy....

So i guess its best if we just Scatter sunshine all the way...


One towards lasting happiness and fulfillment, the other towards temporary satisfaction and permanent regret. At the end of our lives, we will be able to gauge which of the two has been our guide and inspiration by examining where we stand. Are we happy, energised, buoyant and radiant? Are we tired, ill, impoverished and unfulfilled?



If you want to go East, don’t go West. If you want to lose weight, don’t eat fattening food. If you want to be fit, don’t give up your exercise. If you want to finish your project, stop chatting with your colleagues and checking the mail..can u imagine that am blogging right now on company time;-),,par gyaan baatne main kya jaata hain??

If you want to get enlightened, stop chasing good times. Refuse to betray your friends or your own values. Refuse to chase money, fame or power at the cost of values or principles. Refuse to indulge the senses.

And lo, your task is done, put the long term over the short term, the principle over expedience, the right over the tempting.

Naked Truth..

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know
We please the fleeting guest
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.