The Last Cry in Vain ........

There were so many times I Wondered how I’d get through the night
I Thought I took all I could take when i was wheeled in that noon
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled knowing fully well what was to come 
But I did not crumble I got through all the pain thinking i could save it one last time ...I didn’t know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back upHold my head up high and out came without a cry I was not built to break...
i knew i had to wait ...
I didn’t know my own strength..till the last breath and the gush of blood and the stillness of the minute till the end ..
now i lay awake in my darkest deepest hour thinking how i would regain and forget what we so lovingly would call our own ......

Now the physical pain seems to fade away , the tears have dried in regret and now what seems like a wait for faith to rebuild its way..I wish i could learn to share my emotions the way i do swell up here ....i know life would go on but the feelings that this had brought in me seem gone a little bit  in  vain ...

Now when am all ready to embrace the world and get back to the clamp of the keyboard , i miss my little bump..i miss the daily calls if I my had my vitamins in time ..i miss the names and the planning of all that was to come ...i notice every baby figuring how it would be to have my own ....

Little did i know i'd ever long this feeling ..little did i know life would turn this way ...the advices and the phone calls are assuring ..the questions painful yet reassuring ...Am grateful for the love i got ,but i don't know how to deal with pain ..i never have been good at sharing emotions ...i sit in silence with the memories soo vivid , the visual so fresh that i don't know what to hold on to and when to let go.....

I sit here trying to keep faith..hoping it will become a memory and fade away ....as all i have now is FAITH anyway !!

God must be a Sadist

I know this will offend few people who have been trying very hard to change my views but Am not a woman of Faith.

My deep conviction that religion is irrational and encouraged superstition has only grown stronger with the passing years. There is not a shred of evidence to support the truth that anyone has seen God.Even those who believe in him have little justification about his existence as omnipotent and just.Whatever evidence we have is on the contrary.God fearing parents who have never harmed anyone in the case of Nirbhaya have to fight their battles alone for the justice of their daughter who suffered at the hands of barbaric rapists,the gentlest of people suffer while thieves and the corrupt prosper .

I cannot accept a God who is selective in granting his grace ,or who is blind .And why should i worship a MIGHTY AVENGER who must be constantly appeased is no God at all !.However I do not dismiss the power of prayer altogether- I feel that one does not have to believe in God to concede that Prayer has Power,all that prayer does is comfort the person in times of stress and helps one to to ponder within in silence and often we have  a solution ...I know this might sound selfish to some but i feel living a good life is the only religion ...A life full of giving happiness and also finding it for oneself ....

I shall sum up my words by quoting Russell who said " I believe in using words, not fists, in honesty not  greed, in having a good time, in consuming good food ..and  above all I believe in Sex ."

I think its my duty as an educated adult to separate the sublime from ridiculous banter of the gurus and derive inspiration from living legends who are normal and flawed yet they faulter,learn and walk in pride ...

My husband's grandfather on his wheelchair recently visited the temple in pouring rain so he could wash his sins and meet his Maker after he dies. As an agnostic , I have no such comfort. And neither do I have any regrets ...

I shall end this by my favorite line from Shelley- If God has spoken, why isn't the universe not convinced .